The New G.I. Joe Movie

I do not hold high hopes for the new G.I. Joe movie that is scheduled to come out next year. It looks like yet another movie designed to cash in on the nostalgia of 80s youth, but with many of the defining characteristics sucked out of it.

Here’s a list of some of the things that are terribly, terribly wrong with the new movie:

• Many of the main characters are way too young. The actor who plays Cobra Commander is less than thirty years old! These are supposed to be experienced characters.
• The distinctive uniforms of the Joe team appear to have been replaced with drab, undifferentiated ones. Everyone looks the same!
• Bad director. Stephen Sommers? Come on!
• Poor casting choices. There’s a freaking Wayans brother in there, for goodness’ sake!
• Destro doesn’t wear his trademark mask. Rumors say he only puts it on at the end of the movie.
• Look what they did to Stormshadow!!!

Just look at Stormshadow. On the left, we see a highly skilled ninja. Look at his eyes! You don’t screw around with a sword-wielding man with those eyes! He’s got knives and ninja stars ready to go — he’s ready for action!

This is what he’s probably thinking: “I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!! RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Now, compare him with the “Stormshadow” on the right. He looks like some emo on his way to a comic-con. He’s got the “popped-collar douche” look going on and is sportin’ clean, white ninja sneakers. I can’t tell if he’s getting ready ready to kick some ass or if he’s preparing to go to a rehearsal as part of his buddy’s wedding party.

This is what he’s probably thinking: “Oh no. I forgot to upload the latest My Chemical Romance CD onto my iPod. I’m going to go cut myself.”

Man, why do so many film producers think that the things that helped turn toys, comics, and such into popular cultural themes are not necessary when an attempt is made at creating a film based on these themes? It was bad enough when Transformers got put through the Hollywood shit-grinder; now G.I. Joe, too?

Today’s Raging Dumbass

Today’s Raging Dumbass award goes to chief litigator for Sony BMG, Jennifer Pariser. Here’s her awesome quote on the topic of music piracy:

“When an individual makes a copy of a song for himself, I suppose we can say he stole a song…[Making a copy of a purchased song is just] a nice way of saying ’steals just one copy’.”

Bravo.

Today’s Raging Dumbass

Andrew Keen wins today’s Raging Dumbass award. I just watched an interview with him on a rerun of the Colbert Report. This guy is the epitome of the arrogant elitist who thinks the world owes him something. He thinks the internet is a terrible thing because it allows the common folk to create art and that this somehow takes money out of the mouths of professional artists. He couldn’t seem to stop using the word “stealing” when talking about how people use the internet (as if it were even possible to steal things via the internet).

Congratulations, Andrew Keen! For being an enemy of social progress and of human civilization as a whole, you’ve earned today’s Raging Dumbass award!

Things I Hate

These two Things I Hate are related:

• When people ride their bikes down a busy road in the middle of the city when there’s a bike path specifically created for them not more than two meters to their right. I know cyclists have a right to use the road, but the bike path is smoother, safer, and provides a more aesthetically pleasing ride!
• When pedestrians use the street instead of the perfectly good sidewalk right beside it. I still remember you “senior-citizen-who-jogs-down-Nassau-at-five-in-the-morning -on-icy-roads-in-the-winter-even-when-the-sidewalk-has-been-cleared”!

These paths are for everyone’s safety, and we all pay taxes for their upkeep. I don’t want to run over you with my car. There is no reason to put yours or anyone else’s life in danger, and these paths — which run parallel to the road — are not really that inconvenient.

The Law

I read in a local paper recently that some guy was fined for parking his RV on the street. Doing so apparently violated some by-law because of the RV’s length. What bothers me more than the fact that stupid little by-laws like this exist is the following fact: when the victim of this by-law (who knew nothing about it) asked the city for a list of its by-laws so that he could comply with all of them, the city refused to give it to him, stating that there are too many by-laws to be giving out copies to everyone who asks for it.

Now, combine this with the old saw “ignorance of the law is no excuse”: how on earth is this fair? Personally, I believe that ignorance of the law is an excuse for precisely the reason that there are too many damned laws. No one can be expected to know them all. How can anyone be held accountable to arbitrary laws?

Now, I can see people being held accountable for laws based on fundamental wrongdoings that every person with a healthy conscious agrees with (i.e. murder, theft, etc.), even if they do not know the letter of those laws. However, holding people accountable to laws that they cannot be reasonably expected to know is not only wrong, but breeds disrespect for the entirety of the law among the people.

In my opinion, if cities are going to implement by-laws, the city should be responsible for publishing said laws and distributing them to all citizens. Also, violation of said by-laws should warrant a warning for the first offense (provided it’s not blatantly obvious the violator knew what he was doing). “Mystery fines” are not an acceptable way to enforce the law.

Going beyond the local by-law issue, there’s also the problem of there being way, way too many laws on the books at the national level. The number of laws a nation has is a sign of the degree of corruption in its legal system. And what’s worse about this situation is that we have a governing bodies whose job it is to write more laws, but there are no corresponding entities whose job it is to go over old laws and get rid of the ones that are no longer necessary. The system just keeps getting worse and worse.

To me, it seems that there is inherently wrong with the idea that there are far too many laws for any one person to ever know. Sure many laws are not applicable to most, but how would you know if you did not read every law?

Argh.  This issue always gets me upset.